 |
Guiding Your Children Through the Process of Divorce
by Ralph Crainer
http://www.divorcey.com
The ones who suffer the most in divorce are the children
of the couple divorcing. Divorce is a total family affair.
Carefully consider the repercussions that divorce will have
on your child or children. They feel lost and insecure when
parents divorce, and older children suffer just as much as
the younger ones. Many children blame themselves for
divorce. It is the responsibility of each parent to make
the transition as easy as possible.
Make sure you do not fight in front of the children about
the issues that affect them in the divorce. You should
never fight in front of your children in any case, but make
sure to avoid it when you have to discuss topics such as
child support, custody and topics like that. Hearing these
arguments will make them feel more lost and insecure, as
well as guilty. They may feel that they have to take sides.
For a number of reasons, forcing children to side with one
parent or the other during a divorce or custody battle is
detrimental to their mental and emotional health, and can
often serve as the catalyst for physical ailments, as well.
How much can a parent love a child, if they consistently
use them as a weapon in their battles with an ex-spouse,
regardless of the consequences to that child? The next
time you decide to use this tactic in order to punish your
"ex," ask yourself that question.
Communication is not always at its best during divorce
proceedings, or even after the fact. You must remember,
however, that our children are neither messengers nor
spies. If you have something to discuss with the other
parent, then make direct contact, and keep it civil. In
spite of how you may feel about the person, this is also
the children's parent, and they still love that parent,
just as they love you.
Remember all the changes your child has to face now that
you are going through a divorce.In a way, losing one parent,
suffering the inevitable thoughts that they are to blame,
or at least, they could have stopped it, etc. With these
changes going on, try to keep other changes at a minimum.
If they child can stay in the same residence and the same
school, at least for a while, it will ease them into the
situation more delicately. Always remind your children
nothing has changed between you and them, you are their
parent and will always be there for them. Make sure you pay
your child support. With all the change and trauma going on
in their lives, they should not have to suffer financially.
Make sure you and your spouse discipline the children
consistently. Do not give in to every whim your child has,
or buy them whatever they want because you want to be the
"good" daddy or mommy. You may feel tempted to have the
other parent always do the discipline or denial so you can
be a friend to your child, especially if you only see them
on weekends and have limited time. It may make you feel
better for now, but your child will suffer in the the long
run with this kind of see-saw discipline.
A common problem, but one that should be avoided at all
costs, is to criticize and ridicule your ex spouse in front
of your children. You have to remember that kids always
feel torn between their mom and their dad in the case of
divorce, and now, to hear bad things about either one of
them makes their pain, loss and guilt even worse.No matter
how angry you get with your spouse, don't use your children
as a sounding board for your negative feelings. Children
always have to see their parents as pillars of strength
they can rely on; don't destroy this pillar for your child.
Submit An Article
|
|  |
